Old Firm Match Report

03-05-2002.

Right folks here it is - the big one. Better late than never. Its been left to yours truly to pen this report as the usual report author has claimed work commitments meant he couldn't write it and his trusty assistant has disappeared of the face of the earth! Wonder why?

So this was the one the crowds at Townhead had waited err all of a week for! The eve of the Scottish Cup Final and yet there was more interest in this encounter than that - ahem!

The game took on special significance as not only was there the prestige of beating your ancient rivals but also the incentive of cracking open a bottle Champagne that yours truly put up for the winners (I got it for nothing - what can I say!) Unfortunately this bottle had to be drunk ala Clydebank style IE walking doon the street. All because the charming socialites behind the bar tried to charge a Ł5 corkage charge to drink it on the premises. To which the reply was "Ł5! feck off we'll drink it in the street". A good start to the night out the followed.

The match itself was played in ideal conditions and developed into quite a tactical battle. The most obvious of these being that Richard chose to foresake his place in hacking folklore to play full time in goals. He also opted to wear his long bottoms and top so that he could show off his cat like agility in the dive without suffering 3rd degree burns.

The other notable tactic displayed by the Rangers team was for Neil to do his impression of the invisible man thus drawing us into a false sense of security - a master stroke!!

The Celtic teams tactics were discussed in minute detail between myself and Andy on the 20 minute train journey. This tactical discussion revolved around Andy saying to me "right your pretty fit, you mark Leon" to which I replied with a steely resolve in my eyes "sod off, no chance - are you mad". Thus the game plan was decided - screw tactics just get stuck into them.

In the build up to the match there was a sense that the Rangers team were confident of their first victory in this fixture. This was shown as the Rangers stormed into an early 3-0 lead. This, however was not to last. With Harry given free reign to twirl on a six-pence and refuse to pass backed up by steely defending by Big Kenny and Tim for a day (again)Iain H, along with yours truly running about like a lunatic shouting and swearing and Andy being, well, Andy (moments of fat bloaterness interfused with flashes of the old Mad Dog class) the tide was to turn dramatically (so much so that Leon has now refused to be coerced into another Ranger for a day appearance).

The only real concentrated Celtic tactic was to mark the main Rangers danger man - Ronnie. With Chris playing to his usual standard (scored four goals allegedly!) the Kebab muncher in chief had to be "taken care off".This paid big dividends in the latter part of the game as not only did the 'Tic turn round the 3 goal deficit but went on to win by 5 (four according to Ronnie!).

Sometimes you could write the script for this fixture before even playing it.

Shame the bhoys couldn't have taken heart from our performance the following day! Still we won the game that mattered!!

Cheers - Iain.

The Teams.

The 'Sellic

Andy:

Showed some of the old Mad Dog touches. Tended to wander in and out of the game but can still exert a telling influence on a game but unfortunately not as often as in days gone by. We need the McQuillan of old back mate, so stop the rolls and sausage - 6.5.

Kenny:

Kenny, in the last couple of games has shown some excellent form, defending, marking - superb. Formed a superb defensive partnership with the Lawman - 7.

Iain H:

The Lawman again stood up and was counted. Everyone is beginning to worry though: he has only blasted the ball out of the pitch once in the last few games - what's going on? Determined and stood his ground well. The motto between him and Kenny seems to be "none shall pass" - 7.

Iain C:

As usual ran about like a loony. Shouted, swore and berated with venom. Has started scoring with alarming regularity. If I keep going like this Chris may give me a better mark than him in a match report. Determined as always. Captain Bundy is here to stay. Undefeated now in over 10 games! "Had enough or do you want some more" - 7.

Harry:

Back to his swivelling and selfish best. You could tell how much this game meant to Harry in one classic moment after scoring, eyes closed, face to the heavens yelling "Yesssss" - thats passion man. Good to see him refusing to pass - Harry is back. Man of the match - 8.5.

The Teddy Bears

Chris:

At last a chance to get my own back on him. All the match reports where he seems to have played better than me are fresh in my mind. Piss - no more no less. But came out on the lash with the lads so - 2.

Richard

Played his best game for years - mainly because he was in goals. Had some fine saves and kept the score line to a reasonable level. Has he found his new position - who can tell - 5.

Neil

What to say. The absence of the Morris nutmeg and boot and rush moves are a little worrying. The absence of Neil in this match was even more worrying. Disappeared and has not been seen since - 3.

Leon

I feel for Leon. As a strict neutral he always ends up in the Rangers team and has therefore never won in this fixture. Along with Ronnie the best that the Rangers could offer. Unbelievable energy, stamina, determination and fitness. Unfortunately cant say the same about his team mates. Turn from the dark side Leon - 6.5.

Ronnie

The bold Ronaldo is the man to fear in this fixture. Surprisingly quiet except when moaning about free kicks and making up the scoreline - could work for Enron with those counting skills. Still,along with Leon was involved in the best that Rangers had to offer, which the truth be told was not a great deal. But you cant play five-a-side with two players. Nuff said - 7.