Seeing as it's only you 3 I can e-mail (ooh changed days....changed days); we've cobbled together the squad of 10 on the basis of the vast experience available, and the dross and sh*te that was left - a real makesh*t blend of partisans, parasites, shuggies, duggies, and threatening wee Malky's.

This has undoubtedly been one of the toughest weeks of my managerial career - stabbed in the back by my best mate, right to my face, quite literally nailed to the wall by the gutter press for a crime I didn't commit, whilst the left wing militant section of the support sprayed graffiti on my walls - "CAMPBELL IS A BABOON'S AR*E", "DIE CAMPBELL DIE", and finally, most distressing of all "LEAVE NOW OR MAH MATE MAD DUG SHUG MCLAFFERTY WILL EAT YER SAMBAS".

Nearly all day yesterday I was, scrambling to get mates, former mates, and even the big issue seller at Central Station, all of them "doing something else", but never one to admit defeat, I eventually turned the the north Glasgow telephone directory, looking for names which sounded like good footballers - did you know there are sevety-seven Souness's in the directory and living in Glasgow? And there's only one Crawford Baptie, but then again, we knew that......

So with a brave face turned to the wind, we announce the teams, which until 9.37pm last night were shrouded in mystery, cos, well, we didnae know who was playing.......