Old Firm Game 14-Jan-2002

Lads, last Friday's Old Firm encounter was indeed a dramatic affair, played in torrential rain throughout, which only stopped when we stepped off the plastic turf.

I tell you that rain doesn't half make you feel heavy - then again turkey, chipolatas, trifle, chocolates and whopping great cigars don't help either....burp.

Celtic won on that dark and stormy night, despite Rangers going 4 up early doors, and the game can not be described as a classic. This was the Gers 3rd successive defeat at the Pitz, and the papers were pure-hoatchin with the usual headlines calling for the managers head;

"CAMPBELL MUST GO" (Sunday Herald); "CAMPBELL IS A C*NT" (Sunday Mail); and "BIN LADENS ESCAPE POD FOUND ON MOON" (Sunday Sport).

But I can take the criticism, and shoulder full responsibility, despite the fact that none of this is my fault. I pick the squad on what limited Hun resources I have, and at the end of the day if the players picked aren't up to the job, then it's time to take stock, look at the situation with some clarity, and reach conclusions, namely we're never going to play this fixture again until we find some decent players. Names for this Friday's forthcoming game? Thankyou.
Marks out of 10

RANGERS

GRAEME

- Not one to make any scapegoats out of this shocking performance, but Campbell is first in line for the chop, and may never play again. Ronnies replacement showed early promise, but failed to deliver the cutting edge, often left however to play the lone strikers role - top scorer for us, but. 6/10.

LEON

- Another hardworking performance from the midfield English donkey - but after 10 minutes began to flag - another career on the line - 6/10.

CHRIS

- Poor. Very poor. But still, extrordinary. The old touches of flair were definitely there, but due to lack of fitness, team-mates who couldn't read the visionary passes, and marking which was tighter than my y-fronts, didn't perform - 7/10.

NEIL

- Surprisingly anonymous throughout - normally gives 110% at the end of the day, but looked to have lead in his legs, and lack of movement - either unfit, or pished. 5/10.

RICHARD

- What can be said that hasn't been said before about "Stegasaurous" Lee - crunching Connelly in the 1st minute with a brutal assault, which from a certain angle looked like rape - and a couple of goals was all we saw on display - usual 60 minutes mate - 4/10.

CELLICK

SEAN

- John Hartson's doppleganger was their man of the match - scoring goals for sweeties and ginger bottles - which is probably all he gets paid whilst daein community service - nearly burst the ball with a thundering effort late on off the bar - Graeme - in goals at the time, said he had it covered - my arse....8/10.

ANDY

- giving him 5/10 for even showing up - nearly offered odds on him showing up, severed rope around his neck, and the missus galloping up from behind screaming.....7/10.

IAIN H

- Sensational, he was not. But the Bankie who wants to be a Tim scored a couple of Law type strikes, and did nothing else the rest of the game - as the fans like to know him "Iain Who???" once again I call for Hendry to retire forwith from the game at this level - 5/10.

IAIN C

- Renowned for his bad shooting, marking, movement, tackling and all-round lack of ability, Iain started the year with a wallop - in the winning team, but it'll no last cos I'm picking the teams next week - ho ho - 6/10.

HARRY

- despite suffering from a cold, and a brief spell of angina following his recent trip abroad (Mull), the man who will soon be 30 turned back the clock with yet another display of one-footed-pirouetting-nonsense - makes you sick just watching him I tell you - 7/10.

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