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Rumours can swiftly be quashed that Martin Doyle is getting so tubby he's going to be used as my stunt double in particularly rough challenges, or any time Bruce "WanTun" Lee wades into another scary moment.
The fitba's off for our short mid-season break, giving us plenty time to enjoy the festivities, and sleep off the hangover in the police cell of your choice.
Our last "unofficial" game was at Merry-Hell sports centre on Saturday, with regular festive cluggers Withyman, Connelly, Morris and mygoodself taught the Lewis 3 (+2 ringers) how the game should be played - first of all, make sure you get absolutely and brutally minging the evening before, on a lethal cocktail of sambuca, tennents lager, and blackcurrant, getting out barely before sunrise from some slappers tenement in the south side (who doesn't look unlike an upside-down space-hopper), crawl the streets forlornly looking for a Joe-Bacsi (taxi), vomiting several times into somebody's beautifully-manicured lawn, getting a Bacsi, realise the steamed up windows in the cab are down to you peeing your pants, telling the driver, shamefully, "this'll do mate" even though it is in the middle of the M77, running away from some particularly evil-looking neds allured by the smell of pish, eventually getting to your own bed with evening clothes still on at 6 in the morning, getting to the football park, throwing up behind the goals, before playing you're heart out for 60 minutes.
Me? Well I was in bed for 10, but Neil's story above is a roaring classic, and one to tell his grandchildren later on.
Am I havering?
Don't answer that. If yer still reading, we were all on top form, and well done lads for the 15+ goal victory.
But our next exciting instalment of frenzied chaos will be at the Pitz on December the 28th, let me know, and as the sign said outside the Govan Epilepsy centre, "we'll try and fit you in".
Or was that, "Fit, and we'll try you".
Anyway, Merry Christmas, and I hope Santa brings you what you want.
I've asked for a right foot. Again.
And maybe a shag from a beautiful West-End girl.
Note form Iain: I think getting a right foot is a more realistic option for Chris!