Match report 09/08/2002.
Lads.
Don't have 'nuff time to warble on about last Friday's pathetic
performance
- by Andrew - so we'll just say that Liverpool of the 80's beat
Shettleston
of the 90's comfortably in the end.
LIVERPOOL.
JAMES MACCA SHANE:
Outstanding once again - never broke sweat, and
even
suggested next week they should all wear curly wigs and 'taches. Always
knew he was gay. Didn't run much, then again, never has to. 9/10.
DOYA:
Despite his first game in months, Mr Doyle did a decent shift,
and
linked up rather well with Macca Shane, prompting suspicions of illegal
substance abuse prior to the game - fizzy pish and pure mad sterrin eyes
always give the game away Doya. Now beginning to overtake Richard Lee
in
the George Best lookalike stakes. 8/10.
CONNELLY:
Played only a bit part, but still out to maim folk, and cause
genuine distress, which is all he knows. And loves. Iain will only
ever be
happy when FIFA re-introduce the rule of allowing players to bring their
own
chibs onto the football park - matching coloured crowbar to go with his
socks - style, you just can't buy style. 6/10.
BRIAN: The man who would be John Clark, only quicker, scored his usual
couple of howitzers, and even chose to jog past me twice when it suited.
Cheeky bast*rd - has he no respect for his elders? Solid. 7/10.
SHAUN: Only John Hartson has a bigger a*se, but Shaun came roaring back
to
his top form on the night, and scored his trademark early shots with
coolness, efficiency, and the kind of jamminess you would only get if
you
wore a Celtic shirt. 8/10.
2ND STORNOWAY BB'S
TORE ANDREW SLOW:
Woeful. Absolutely woeful - passing out of synch,
couldn't link up with his teammates, no pace, and even had the audacity
to
blame me for the entire 60-minute shocker he was having. No way.
Anyway,
came into the arena trying to look the embodiment of cool - smoking a
roll-up - who did he think he was? Ronnie McGuchan??? Looked tired,
and
pished, quite frankly -17 (that's minus seventeen)/10.
GRAEME:
A busy week for the man frae the Bishy Crew, going to pub
openings
and the like, so didn't have the usual spring in the step. Lacks
professionalism required for this level, so we'll need to have a word
with
the boys mother. Easily our top scorer, with two. 6/10.
KENNY G:
Kenny-Gal, to his mates, allegedly played last week. Anyone
see
him? 4/10.
CHRIS:
Ran more than usual - tried to play the simple ball but team
mates
refused to be on their toes if a pass happened to be a yard in front of
them
- you know who you are, Tore-Andrew Slow. One decent goal, one decent
pass,
otherwise, nothing to tell the gutter press about 6/10.
NEIL
Several flashing attempts at goal, stayed up with the pace a bit
better than last week, seeming to notice a slight lack of eagerness when
in
goals - can this be true Neil??? 5/10.
