The Pitz was blessed with another dry winter evening as the tempestous
ten trudged onto park number 6 with an air of excitement not felt since
Leon last offered to buy a round at the bar - in 1997.
The ball was like a rock, however rumour had it someone had been
practising with rocks of another nature prior to the game.....
The first ten volunteers, gathered together as early as Tuesday,
predicatably receded by Thursday evening, by the two most commonly
associated with the word recede - Harry and Andy, replaced by the more
than adequate Robin and John.
The game itself could hardly be described as a classic, if fact, the
word "sh*te", springs to mind. In amongst the drudgery, cat-calling,
and mindless assualts, there were some light sprinklings of moments
which resembled football.
With the game going well into extra time (some 20 minutes) Morris,
Campbell & Co narrowly lost out 1 one goal, prior to frostbite, and
insanity, setting in the ranks.
THE DARK BLUES
ALAN
Ol' man river strolled about with an air of nonchelance, smoked
cigars, talked the talk, walked the walk, and generally improved on last
weeks performance by a considerably not-inconsiderable margin - straight
passing, straight talking and some real thunderous efforts which would
amputate a limb from close range. 8/10.
IAIN H
Buckled down, and never humped the ball out the park once I'm
proud to report. Vewy vewy pwoud. Didn't seem to be firing quite on
the old proverbial cylinders. Funniest moment, apart from diving and
feigning injury followling a slight brush with Campbell, when he ran
after a "Gary Owen" up-and-under, anticipated the ball landing a yard or
two in front, when, boosh, ball smacks Hendry in the back of the heid -
tremendous entertainment from this man of mirth, although not entirely
because of footballing reasons. 5/10.
LEON
Picked the teams and to be honest did a fair old job, owing to
the tight final scoreline, although not quite up to scratch on the park.
Scored a wonder volley mid-way through the game, an absolute blender of
a shot, but other wise, not much to write home about. Oh yes, apart
from when he went down squealing like a pig following another slight
brush with his nemesis Campbell. 6/10.
ROBIN
The last-minute replacement for oor Harry, Robin stepped into
Harry's two left feet with apparent ease, and has to be said played very
decently indeed - ran about like a rabbit on speed, although refused to
pirouette like his predecesor. 7/10.
NEIL MAC
Well, what can be said about this man that hasn't been said
already? Well, if truth be told, absolutely nothing, but ambled about
with usual vigour, stuttering runs, stumbling shots, and the occasional
shank. 5/10.
THE DARK BUT NOT QUITE AS DARK AS THEM BLUES
CHRIS
The man who is looking these days like the last Christmas turkey
in Safeways - pale, bashed, and generally unwanted amongst fellow
teammates, complained of heavy legs prior to match, and so it came to
pass that I had one of the worst games in my long and somewhat
meandering career. Nothing of note bar a few exquisite shots which were
definitely heading for the corner, of the goal that is,
but....ooh..saved at the last gasp. Poor game, but decked Leon and Iain
H which more than makes up for being pish. 6/10.
JOHN
Top man alongside fellow-newcomer Jamie, looks and plays a bit
like Jorg Albertz, nice shot, good passer, however like "The Hammer",
exposed some defensive frailties. Call me Mr Picky but I call it the
way I see it. 8/10.
NEIL
Had an appearance about him which said the word "thief".
Somewhat subdued performance from the red-booted wonder, only 1 attempt
at a nut meg this time, which must be a record - normally he's tried for
his tenth "victim" within the same amount of opening minutes. However,
we can forgive him because, and I know, organising the fives can take a
lot away from your own individual efforts due to the stresses of finding
the ten every week. 6/10.
IAIN C
The man with more comebacks than Michael Mols, and is held
together by screws and buckie bottlecaps, dug in and gave a steady,
although unremarkable performance, even without his counterpart
McQuillan, who is apparently in a Cardiff jail after attempting to
hijack a plane and stubbing out cigarettes in a stewardesses hand.
Stupid boy. 7/10 for Iain. -23/10 for Mad Dug.
JAMIE
Top man? Well, you don't get that sort of accolade until you've
done 6 years hard graft with us man and boy, but an all-round fine
effort, glided about, passed, span round, and shot with great effect -
the player Harry could have been. Like all so-called promising talent
though, we'll eventually suss out his weaknesses, take him to bits,
feed him on lager and chips, shatter his confidence, and drag him
slowly, but surely, down to our level. 8/10.
