As Campbell batters on to his 4th successive victory, we have to ask if
this
anything can stop this man, apart from maybe the sight of a cheese and
mayonnaise sandwich.
Naturally, I can't take all the credit, but the rest of the team were
hungrier and fitterer (Harry's new made-up word) than the opposition,
and
despite nearly losing our 8-goal lead, were always in control. Names
for
this Friday?
THE LOSERS
MCQUILLAN:
Scored the goal of the game with a faint, shuffle, twist,
and
nonchelant final flick into the lower corner. Wonderful stuff.
Tremendous
goal. Rest of the game was pish, however, and calls now surely for the
big
man to step down, and find his true level to play out his final
days....Pollok over-65 ladies team currently poised to make a swoop for
this
seasoned veteran, and cheers for the (touching) messages left for me on
Saturday afternoon from Parkhead mate. 0/10.
CONAGHAN:
The return to the big time from another 30-plus Viet-cong
vet,
following his trip to New York, pounding up and down 5th Avenue he was -
not
for training, just trying to keep up with Stef - shopshopshop. Not one
of
his better displays. 3/10.
YOUNG:
Brian's main weapon (his shot) was well and truly nullified by
Ronnie, who was only too happy to display the (haxagonal) bruises later
on.
Tried to molest Connelly. Twice. 4/10
HENDRY:
Passing average. Movement average. Shooting - into the next
park.
Once again screaming to the heavens, saying "My God, why hast thou
forsaken
me????" after skying his 27th shot. You know, maybe God isn't to blame
all
the time Iain. 3/10
MORRIS:
Once again limited by his...well...limited repertoire, ran his
little ginger heart out, God bless him. 3/10
THE WINNERS
CAMPBELL
- usual inconsistent display from this tortured genius - 3 no
bad
goals and 3 no bad tackles, 27 misplaced passes - things on the up, but.
7/10
CONNELLY
- The new self-proclaimed captain of our ship wasn't brilliant,
but
still better than anything the opposition could offer - highlight of the
evening was when he was seen actually buying a round in Molly Malones
later
- you're right, I must be working too hard. 6/10
WITHYMAN:
Despite some merciless slaggings from McQuillan in the
pre-match
festivities, Leon played the silent assassin, with deadly deadliness,
cool
finishing, and is still the fittest man on the park - I'm catching up
fast
but - just watch me steaming past you all in the coming weeks. 8/10
DOYLE
- Now back to almost his previous level of fitness (about 40%),
scored
a couple of crackers, set up a few, and despite his Rodney Marsh/George
Best
style crop of hair and beer gut, played a blinder. 7/10.
BIG DADDY MCGUCHAN
- Man of the match display, added extra weapon of
giant
beer gut, which can easily knock opponents off stride, whilst his team
mates
chant "EAS-EEY, EAS-EEY". Pulled strings, pulled jerseys, whinged
constantly. Best man on the park. 9/10
NB. A quick addition to this report. Campbell was by far and away the worst piece of shit on offer tonight. However, as he writes the match reports he never seems to be the worst on show, take it from someone that was there - he sucked.
